Ode to Brother Steve

In September of 2019, I wrote a blog post with this same title shortly after Ashley’s brother, Steve, died of brain cancer. Now, I am writing again for my brother, Steve, who died last month on April 7th on the eve of the total eclipse of the sun.

My brother was 15 years older that I am. He had been declining physically and mentally for some time. In March he was hospitalized for a serious infection. He couldn’t eat. Then, he lost all interest in eating. But he was cheerful. He wanted to go home and he did. He was in hospice care for a week and died peacefully on a Sunday afternoon listening to the 6th game of the 1944 World Series between the St. Louis Browns and his beloved St. Louis Cardinals.

My two sisters and I had the chance to write some of our memories of Steve for his wife, Sue, and his children to read to him. That was a comfort…to remember, to write, and to know that he would hear our treasured memories of him as a brother. My sisters are also much older than I am. I was born twelve years after the first three children who grew up together.

My favorite memories are from my sister, Anne. I quote some of them here.

My first memory of Steve was his teaching me how to tie my shoes and how to skip. He was characteristically patient and confident. He taught me how to dive off the side of the pool by straightening my arms and leaning into the water. At home, I remember playing checkers with Steve and parcheesi. He always beat me, but always fairly and instructively. I learned and was grateful for his time. One breakfast before school Steve introduced me to the hand game rock, paper, scissors. Same results: he wins (fairly), I lose (but learn).

I remember visiting Steve at Harvard Law School. His organization and concentration impressed me. He invited me to accompany him to one of his lecture classes.

I remember Mother, Dad and friends' interest in Steve's speech as a specialist in international law to the St. Louis Council on World Affairs.

On one visit, Louise and I asked Steve how his career progressed from attorney to arbitrator and mediator. During another visit, I was most interested in Steve's discussion and participation in Princeton Project '55. Again, Steve's characteristic quiet modesty reminded me of Grandpa Luther Smith.

For birthdays, Steve sent me riotous musical electronic birthday cards of circus dogs and other exuberant animals. Steve called once a month to keep in touch. We would talk about exercise and what we were reading.

I think a lot about Steve's optimism, good will, intelligence, work habits, and volunteering. I am most grateful he is my brother.

Excerpts from his obituary written by his son Christopher Boyd follow.

Steve loved the outdoors, sports, travel, music and the St. Louis Cardinals. In school, he played ice hockey, soccer, and tennis, and throughout his life, he found much joy in hiking, skiing, tennis, and golf. In his 40s, he took up distance running and rowing, and completed three Marine Corps Marathons and three Head of the Charles Regattas.

Inspired by his grandfather Luther Ely Smith, Steve was a civic-minded and deeply involved citizen, who was admired for his singular dedication, tireless energy, and good humor. He was deeply proud of helping to create and launch Princeton Project 55 (now Princeton AlumniCorps) to engage alumni in developing and implementing programs in the public interest that create real change. Steve also helped found the Character Education Partnership. He will be remembered for his integrity, fairness, fine character, generosity, and his legacy of a life well lived.

I was always bursting with gratitude and with pride to have a brother like Steve. And he was proud of us as his sisters. We miss him always.

Last week, I attended a Zen ceremony at Bread Loaf Mountain Zen Community. One of the last chants in the ceremony goes like this: May I respectfully remind you, life and death are of supreme importance. Time passes swiftly and opportunity is lost. Let us awaken, awaken. Take heed. Do not squander your life.

May we all be remembered for our generosity and integrity. May we all bring kindness into the world every day. May we all leave a legacy of a life well lived in service and in love.